his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
