can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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