Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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