the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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