I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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