i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
