guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
