That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
