i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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