ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am one with the molecules
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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