gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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