I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
