i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize