Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
