Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
