I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
