you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
