Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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