I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
