You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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