I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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