i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
