Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
