apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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