umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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