I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
