his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize