I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
