I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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