I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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