I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
