What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
