dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
