life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
