i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
