She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
