OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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