I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
