New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
