he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
