Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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