Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
me + whiskey = a bad person
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
