I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
