u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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