i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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