Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
