Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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