hotel room ftw
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
