you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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