I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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