So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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