so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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