Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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