so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to cum in my sink.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
