I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The best revenge is premature balding
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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