ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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