This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
