Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
