If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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