Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
