12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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