I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
