Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
