you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My feet surprised me
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