Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
