Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
