I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize