I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
